A man buying coffee has a tough case of the dizzies , which candidly happens to me evenhandedly regularly before I consume caffeine in the good morning . But if you cogitate he just ask his cup of break of day java then hoo boy have you got the improper show . This is CSI - Fucking : Cyber and we are about to see some INTERNET CRIME .
Dizzy man wanders into the street . “ Get out of the street , man ! ” someone yells helpfully , because the motley , potentially drunk writers of CSI : Cyber have never seen a plot item they could tell instead of show . Immediately , a truck address into our pathetic daze buster , killing him .
Not sure what the hell the upper limit is suppose to be or why the truck driver did n’t notice a guy fend in the middle of the street in broad daytime , but ok . Dizzy man is dead ! And an ominously generic feeding bottle of pills fall out of his sack .
I do n’t even know if I take to tell you that pills fall from the net , but the pills came from the internet . They were purchased after dawn an ad on ScrollMD.com , the CSI : Cyber interchange universe version of WebMD . This seems like it should be a clear - cut case of vehicular manslaughter , since the truck did n’t even bother slow down a lilliputian second before plowing into a fop standing in the midsection of the street . Yet our work party , led by Special Agent Avery Ryan ( played , as always , by Oscar Winner ™ Patricia Arquette ) is on it .
The FDA enlist the cyber scout troop because they think an Evil Internet Pharmacy lure our corpse to buy bunk heart medicinal drug contraceptive pill with fraudulent ads . “ Sounds like a clickbait scheme , ” Avery offers , abide over a weird 3D range of a function of the man ’s cadaver .
wtf is this an episode of Bones
It really still sounds like it was primarily vehicular manslaughter , but hey , I ’m not a justice .
Krummy and Nelson pinpoint where the shipment of tough drug come from while awkwardly talk about Nelson ’s dick rash , which is never explain but now I ’m concerned about his genital tegument wellness . Then Avery and Mundo go to present the guy who shipped the fake pills . Mundo unremarkably could not have a hard fuckup for arresting multitude , but they find a despairing cancer affected role . This harshes the despiteful vibe considerably . Sad Cancer Man attempts self-destruction on the spot when they inform him he ’s accidentally killed someone . He go away in an ambulance , and it is a bummer , and we never try from him again .
They go after the guy doing the genuine selling , looking at security tv camera footage at the internet site he made dead drop to Sad Cancer Man . Only our villain uses an IR LED , which makes license home unclear . Mundo is sooo mad about anti - surveillance technologies ! But then he realizes that the quarry was drive an sport utility vehicle equip with Bluetooth , which means a Department of Transportation monitoring system that “ keep a record of every Bluetooth twist it pair with ” would ’ve nibble up his signal .
The only problem is that the DoT only preserve the records for 20 minutes , Mundo says , asterisk off into the space and belike dreaming about fucking a panopticon . “ You really believe that ? ” Avery chortles . At CSI : Cyber we laugh in the human face of limiting trawl net data collection !
They find out who the guy is in about a minute using the apparently still - top - secret Department of Transportation mass surveillance system ( which , I go for that ’s something this show made up ? ? ? ? ? ) and decide to sic a SWAT team on him . Avery and Mundo stand with hired gun raised as the team swarms the edifice .
why
Even for CSI : Cyber this seems like harebrained overkill to target a suspect drug marketer who is not recognize to be violent or to have committed any violent criminal offense .
The SWAT team busts the drug laboratory and Avery and Mundo confront our bozo , who bend out to just be a chemist , something Avery calculate out essentially through necromancy . ( “ You ’re no cybercriminal , ” she whirr . ) The ringleader is still out there .
The team discovers that the chemist and the ringleader used an online poker game game to communicate and launder money , and attempt to bait the ringleader by buying $ 250,000 in bad prescription drug Master of Education to get him to log into the poker internet site to wash it . He does this literally instantly after getting the money , which seems like an peculiar move . Then there ’s an eternal scene where he wreak poker against himself that the show decides to illustrate with creepy-crawly graphics of man playing poker .
i will come for you in the night
Our poker lovin’ criminal mastermind almost gets off with it , but then Nelson comes up with some improvised nonsense plan about tracing it back to his bank account and Avery actually aver this :
“ Infect the firewall with a virus ! ”
Krummy types really quickly and , I guess , infect the firewall with the computer virus . Which firewall ? Which virus ? WHO CARES , it works !
They make a lot of hay about how ScrollMD got ensconced in this clickbaiting scheme of phoney ads , but … are the advertising on hypochondriacal porn web site like WebMD held up to any touchstone of legitimacy ?
Oh , I have n’t even mentioned that all fucking Sifter does this sequence is look confuse and attempt to help his buddy at ScrollMD downplay the damaging media reaction to his web site ’s shitty malware - nurture security . His “ big win ” of the episode is bugger off the website to come forth a half - assed warning , which is neither truly helpful nor HIS line .
failure
I ’m set about to suspect Sifter is some sort of forward-looking - stratum critique of federal authority ’ skilful ole boys networks that the writers have knavishly slipped into the show .
Shad Moss Vest Watch :
Wait , did anyone else find that they got rid off the cute cyber-terrorist young woman who never did anything , and replaced her with a cast of random extras ? Who are these people ?
Inane Graphic of the Week :
CSI : CyberDrugsrecaps
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