In her testimony, the British nurse denied ever intentionally harming any children, saying the accusations made her no longer want to live.
“I couldn’t see how my life was ever going to be the same again,” she said. “I didn’t want to live with the life that I had at that time.”
She has pleaded not guilty to 22 charges.
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She is also accused oftrying four times to kill an infant, before eventually doing so. Prosecutors allege sheconfessed to the killings on Post-it notesrecovered from her Cheshire, England, home.
“I killed them on purpose because I’m not good enough to care for them,” reads one of the notes, theBBCreported.
“I AM EVIL I DID THIS,” another note read, prosecutors alleged.
The nurse said she “would sometimes write down significant events that happened.”
The nurse said she looked up the families on social media out of “general curiosity” because “they had been on my mind.”
“It was a significant event,” she said.
At one point, the court was shown a section of her 2016 diary that was scribbled out, reading underneath: “I don’t know if I killed them. Maybe I did. Maybe this is all down to me.”
After she the hospital removed her from the neonatal unit, the nurse had written in her notes, “please help me, please help me, please help me.”
“I just wanted someone to help me at that point,” she testified Tuesday morning. “Nobody could help me.”
The former nurse also sent asympathy card to parents of a newbornshe is accused of murdering.
Her trial continues Friday.
source: people.com
