Jennette McCurdy’s not holding back.
In her recently released memoir,I’m Glad My Mom Died, the former Nickelodeon actress opens up about theharrowing traumashe faced throughout her childhood in part due to the stifling control of her late mother, Debra.
Despite her success on television, McCurdy previously told PEOPLEthat life with her mother was far from perfect.
“My earliest memories of childhood were of heaviness, and chaos,” McCurdy told PEOPLE ahead of her memoir release. In particular, “My mom’s emotions were so erratic that it was like walking a tightrope every day. The mood fluctuations were daily.”
Philip Cheung for The Washington Post via Getty
This overwhelming pressure of keeping up this front led the actress tosuffer from eating disorders, addiction, and more. Her mother was undergoing challenges of her own at the same time; when Jennette was 2 years old, Debra was diagnosed with breast cancer. She died in 2013.
After enduring two decades worth ofemotional and physical abuse at the hands of her mother, the 30-year-old actress is now ready to publicly reflect on her past. Here are the major revelations revealed in Jennette’s tell-all memoir,I’m Glad My Mom Died.
Jennette McCurdy and her mother Debbie.Frederick M Brown/Getty
Jennette said she was forced into the life Debra wished she could’ve had; Jennette recalls her mom asking, “You want to be Mommy’s little actress?” and says she felt she had no choice.
Debra secured auditions for her kids with Barbara Cameron, mother and manager ofGrowing Pains' Kirk Cameron andFull House’sCandace Cameron Bure. Unlike Jennette’s brother, Marcus, who impressed Barbara with his monologue, Jennette was told she “lacks charisma.”
Debra, disappointed, managed to convince Barbara to accept Jennette — but only after agreeing to enroll her in a grueling acting school.
She endured childhood trauma due to her mother’s control
Jennette McCurdy, Nathan Kress and Miranda Cosgrove on iCarly in 2010.Everett
Forcing her into acting was just one of the many controlling situations the actress says her mother put her through. The extremity of Debra’s control went as far as “wiping my butt” at eight years old, Jennette recalls in the memoir, adding that her mom said she “needs to do it until I’m at least 10.”
In addition, Jennette says Debra regularly performed breast and “front butt” exams on her to check for potentially cancerous lumps and bumps. “By the time the exams are done, a huge wave of relief washes over my whole body,” she pens. “I usually realize that’s the first time I’ve felt my body since the exam started.”
She also noted that her mother gave her showers, too, in addition to — and at the same time as — her brother Scottie, who was almost 16. When he asked to shower himself, Jennette writes: “Mom sobbed and said she didn’t want him to grow up so he never asked again after that.”
She developed an eating disorder at a young age
Brian To/FilmMagic
Doing everything to make her mom happy, she turned to calorie restriction (per Debra’s suggestion). “Each Sunday, she weighs me and measures my thighs with a measuring tape. After a few weeks of our routine, she provides me with a stack of diet books that I finish quickly,” Jennette writes in her memoir, adding that she began to feel rewarded for going to extremes.
She wanted to quit acting before finding fame
Stefanie Keenan/WireImage
Prior to booking her breakout role on Nickelodeon’siCarly, Jennette recalls the anxiety-filled moment she told her momshe wanted to quit acting, immediately regretting what she had just admitted.
Jennette recalls her mom’s reaction in her memoir: “‘Don’t be silly, you love acting. It’s your favorite thing in the world,’ Mom says in a way that makes it sound like a threat.”
“You can’t quit! This was our chance! This was ouuuuur chaaaaance!” McCurdy writes of her mother’s reaction. “She bangs on the steering wheel, accidentally hitting the horn. Mascara trickles down her cheeks. She’s hysterical, like I was in theHollywood Homicideaudition. Her hysteria frightens me and demands to be taken care of.”
She was allegedly ‘exploited’ as a teen actor
Jennette details numerous instances where she felt “exploited” as a teen actor both on and off set. The actress refers to the person behind the demands as “The Creator” throughout the memoir, never naming them.
She recalls a time while filming an episode ofiCarlywhen “The Creator” — whom she describes in the memoir as mean-spirited, controlling, and terrifying — insisted she wear a bikini, instead of her preferred one-piece swimsuit. She feared being viewed as a “sexual being,” she says.
Another time, she says, “The Creator” peer pressured her into drinking alcohol when she was underage while comparing theiCarlycast to “Victoriouskids” who get “drunk all the time.”
She has maintained a healthy friendship with Miranda Cosgrove
Jeanette McCurdy, Miranda Cosgrove.Brian Kimsley; Karwai Tang/WireImage
Jennette reveals she has kept a solid friendship withiCarlycostar Cosgrove, even long after the serieswrapped in 2012. In the book, Jennette praises Cosgrove for being a kind friend during the most difficult years of her life.
She was ‘pissed’ at Ariana Grande while filmingSam & Cat
Sam & Cat.Nickelodeon
She had a different relationship with formerSam & Catcostar Grande (who played Cat Valentine on the series). In the spinoff, which only lasted one season after its 2013 premiere, Jennette says her dynamic with the singer was fraught with jealousy and resentment.
As a pop star on the rise, Jennette recalls how Grande was always absent from set, which angered her; she claims she was always left to “hold down the fort.”
“Ariana misses work in pursuit of her music career while I act with a box,” she says. “I’m pissed about it. And I’m pissed at her. Jealous of her.”
She was bribed to keep quiet about her experience at Nickelodeon
Everett
When Jennette was on a conference call with several of her agents and managers following the wrap ofSam & Cat, she says she was offered $300,000 to “never talk publicly about your experience at Nickelodeon” — particularly as it related to “The Creator”.
“This feels to me like hush money,” McCurdy recalls of her reaction, noting that she turned the offer down immediately. She said she did not wish to be bribed to keep quiet about unethical behavior, especially in regard to a network riddled with shows for children.
Shortly after the show wrapped,reports circulatedthat it ended because Jennette was “upset” her costar was getting paid more, she writes. According to Jennette, she was told “it was canceled because of a sexual harassment claim against one of our producers.” (Nickelodeon did not respond to PEOPLE’s request for comment.)
She relapsed after her mom’s death but is on a journey to recovery
Jennette McCurdy.Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic
When her mother was on her death bed with a predicted 48 hours to live, Jennette whispered in her ear news she thought would revive her. “Mommy. I am . . . so skinny right now. I’m finally down to 89 pounds,” she recalls in her memoir.
After trying out a number of therapists, she ultimately turned to one who helped her on her road to recovery. She alsopraised Cosgrove for her constant supportthroughout her journey.
Though noting the road to recovery is a “difficult” one, she optimistically notes, “It’s the kind of difficult I have pride in.”
If you suspect child abuse, call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-Child or 1-800-422-4453, or go to www.childhelp.org. All calls are toll-free and confidential. The hotline is available 24/7 in more than 170 languages.
If you or someone you know is battling an eating disorder, please contact the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) at 1-800-931-2237 or go to NationalEatingDisorders.org.
source: people.com
